singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
