my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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