Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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