the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
