I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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