You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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