I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
