In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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