you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
