i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
