For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
