This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
