I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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