dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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