someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
