Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
