I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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