Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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