you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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