dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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