does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
