And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
