stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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