Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
