Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
