My pussy is not your playground.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
