I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
