Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize