just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
