you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
