why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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