the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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