I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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