your room smells of hookers.
And success
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
