When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
