Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
