The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
