there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
