dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
