My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
