Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
