great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
