Jerry, you need to find god
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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