No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
