My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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