Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this just has baby written all over it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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