2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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