well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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