You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize