ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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