So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Success! We fucked roommates!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
