He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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