i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
