I just made out with a guy for $7.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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