ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
