$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
