So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
