Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
