i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
