all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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